I’ve created a YouTube video based on this blog and you can check it out here.
STEP-BY-STEP TO YOUR VOWS
ONE \ THE LEGALS
When working with couples to create a ceremony, there is always one section they can find particularly challenging, the vows. As most people know, there is the legal vow which must be said clearly and loudly enough for your witnesses to hear:
“I call upon everyone here present to witness that I, Sarah, take you, Michael, to be my wedded husband”
or, according to the Commonwealth Guidelines, ‘words to that effect’.
Tahnee and Jack reciting their vows to each other with a little help from Ava and recorded beautifully by Infinity.Sisters.Photography.
two \ something more
But, there is the option to add in something more, personal vows, but what? Where do you start? Which words resonate with how you feel about your partner? And let’s face it, it’s not always easy to put in writing how you feel - very few of us are hard-wired that way!
In preparing for the ceremony I provide couples with my Wedding Toolkit and that's way too much detail to go into here, but in that kit, I provide a massive range of vow options. If there isn't anything in that lot that rings true I can then work with a bride and groom individually, or as a couple, to put into words how they feel about their partner. I also provide a little ‘cheat sheet’ as part of the kit which can help couples construct their own, or at least get them started. Then we can talk, one-on-one or as a team, to create a few lines that capture your thoughts. It may not be as easy as the rest of the ceremony but if you want to add something to the legal vow, it's worth putting in a little time. There won’t be another opportunity!
Nathan and Gemma exchanging vows at Jack Rabbit. Photography by All My Wednesdays.
THREE \ AGREE ON FORMAT
But, before you start pouring through pages of options or googling until the early ours of the morning, have a discussion between the two of you and agree to a few basics. Will our vows be totally serious? Will they include some fun? How long will they be, roughly? 3 lines or an A4 sheet. It’s good to agree on the basics but, rest assured, if one of you sends me something which is way different to the other’s, I’ll be in touch with a suggestion or two. I’ve got your back and won’t leave you out on a limb.
Ash sharing her vows at Blue Wren Park
FOUR \ GETTING IN THE SPACE
Try to think what it is about your partner that you absolutely adore. What is it you want to tell them? What is it about them that rocks your boat? How do they make you feel and what is it about them that makes you want to be a better person? If you can list a few things, you’ve made a start, you’ve got the beginnings of your vows. Speak from the heart as if it was just the two of you. Sometimes it’s easier to write something down on paper than to actually voice what you’re feeling. So get it down, you can always chop bits out later. You can contact me and I can help you tweak it a little :)
Em and Darcy preparing for the combined vows and ring exchange. Image provided by Carmen Bunting Photography at Mt Duneed Estate.
FIVE \ ADD IN SOME FUN
If you’ve both agreed to add in a little humour, I’m sure you’ve already thought of a few interesting comments that you’d like to share; things that are unique to you as a couple. And humour doesn’t mean taking away the reverence of the moment. You can still have meaningful, loving vows with some humour.
I’ve recently been using a different format where a couple’s personal vows are read first followed by the legal vows combined with the ring exchange. Couples are enjoying this more-streamlined approach and I like the flow in the ceremony.
Some examples from my couples might give you some inspo:
“So today, on our special day, I promise:
to love you as much as I do Freddy <the cat>
to always switch meals when we order food as you always want to have mine”
“You are the brie to my cracker and the parmesan I sprinkle on everything." Jane had a serious love affair with cheese lol.
"I promise to pretend to be interested when Steve Smith hits another 100 and I promise to always love you, even during the footy season."
"There is no-one else I would rather watch emotional X-factor auditions with, and
I promise to try to not watch too much cricket in the summer and too much footy in the winter."
That special moment between Violet and Sam at Merne Restaurant. Photography byFlorido Weddings
Couples can either read their vows from a printed card which I provide or can repeat them after me. Some couples repeat the legal vow after me and then read their personal vows from the printed card. I’m all about making you both feel comfortable and what works best for you.
Krystina vowing to Daniel at Terindah Estate. Image provided by Silas Chau.
SIX \ nervous? i’M IN YOUR CORNER - we can do this!
But not everyone enjoys public speaking; standing out front, all eyes upon you, at what is likely to be a very emotional time. Recently, one of my couples spent the time writing their vows separately and had every intention of reading them out right up until we met for the rehearsal. They then told me they’d decided not to read them out and to just go with the legal vows. I thought about the time they’d spent creating what they wanted to say and suggested we add in an ‘Asking’ to the ceremony where I would read out the vows to each of them but in the form of a question. They had already written the words and I just turned them into questions. They then replied ‘I DO’ It went something like this….
“Simone, do you take Alice to be your wedded spouse? Will you love her more? More than any argument you will ever have; more than any hurdle you will both have to jump; more than any obstacle you will ever have to face together? <I DO>
And, do you promise to try your hardest to stack the dishwasher properly?
To not leave your handbag on the kitchen bench EVERY TIME you come home?
Do you promise, every now and then, to take Alice a cup of tea in bed?
And, do you promise to occasionally let HER choose a flavor when buying the icecream? <I DO>
Alice, do you take Simone to be your wedded spouse? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and respect her? Do you promise to share all life has to offer, your hopes and dreams, your disappointments and achievements with her from this day forward? <I DO>
Do you also promise not to be a worry-wart?
To enjoy all the small things in life?
Do you promise to be spontaneous and enjoy each day as it comes?
And, do you promise not to always google-review EVERY.SINGLE.PLACE you visit?
<I DO>”
Simone and Alice loved this option; they got to say the things they wanted to say to their partner AND they added in some humour, which always gets a giggle from the guests, but it was me doing all the talking. And, I’m here to tell you, that’s what I’m good at! Win-Win!
Guests enjoying Krystina and Dan’s vows captured by Silas Chau Photography.
SEVEN \ AND THAT’S A WRAP!
It’s that easy. To finish, I just want to add that whatever you write, as long as it’s from your heart, it will be authentic and real and your partner will love it!
And, with that, I leave you with a past groom’s vows:
“From this day forward, I promise to be worth it. Worth the time. Worth the energy. Worth the embarrassment. Worth the fights. Worth your love. From the moment you entered my world, you have filled it with life, colour and energy like never before. From the moment our paths crossed, you’ve captivated me, challenged me, frustrated me and improved me in ways no person has done before.
I choose you above all others, to share my life with you in marriage. I promise to share my life openly with you, to talk and listen to you. I promise to honour and care for you, to share my laughter and big ideas. I promise to face the challenges ahead together and keep our relationship interesting as we grow old together. I promise to love and cherish you as much as I do our dog. I promise to cuddle with you as much as I do Gus and pick up treats for you whenever he gets some, too.”
:)
Daryl reciting his vows to Harriet. Photo provided by Nic Stephens Photography.